There are very few things in the landscape of Rebecca that can scare the shit out of me, or make my heart lodge uncomfortably in my throat, or give me goosebumps or even make me wish I could stop time. When such moments happen, it's usually because I've done something I knew I shouldn't. It's like peeking into a pre-wrapped package before Christmas when I know damn well I shouldn't and discovering the contents inside are nothing what I wanted. Once you've peeked, you can't take the image back, you can't remove the reality of it and place it back into the comfortable unknown files in ones mind.
I can usually squelch the cat in me. I've perfected the art of self denial. There are some things in life that unknowing ignorance, is a chosen choice of blind bliss. Sneaking a peek behind the veil of unknown can produce interesting results, sometimes, but usually, it's the catalyst that kills that cat. I'm a sad little kitty cat today.
I'm not exactly a foolish little feline. I know any tentative step in certain directions can leave me resting solidly on feet, or hanging from my tree of life by a single claw. I know that. Understand that. Choke on it. And most important of all, accept it as my punishment. A fair weathered perception I am not.
With this wrapped box, I know I'm overly sensitive, prone to flinch at the slightest gesture, the most marginal of suggestion. I'm aware of the delicate nature and balance that barely teeters upon a tiny glimmer of hope and future. I know all that, and yet, I miss. It's that simple........
Today, my minutes shall drag. Blocked. Denied and Hopeful I got around the system. Perhaps maybe, even, possibly, my sensitivity is unwarranted, for once.
Either way, tomorrow, my perspective will have officially shifted, once again, in a way that no one on Earth would ever see, or notice, or feel............
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Closing a door that has been opened, backpedaling away wishing for a re-do...if we could be so graced. In my case I would end up doing the same thing all over again anyway, so perhaps it's best to pad it inside the best we can, hope the thorns don't rip through and give another day a chance.
I'm all too haunted by what others tend to allow me to peek at, let alone those things I see without their knowledge. Empathic souls carry far more burden than not.
Could be a simple overstep, or life changing concept. We are who we are. I hope today, tomorrow finds you wrapped in the beauty of the season, a bit kinder to yourself dear one. Finding that empathy for everyone else is easy, finding it for yourself is the task, that borders on impossiblity. (Hugs)Indigo
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